School Daze

looks a little like kindergarten 

in the printing studio

Alena photobombing me!

my color wheel based on a Bauhaus design from 1931.  Pretty cool.

Well, I have been in school for two weeks now.  Sorry that I took this long to write.  It is the nature of things that the more exciting and full and memorable one's time is, the less time one has to write about it.  I have made a little outline for myself so I can remember what I wanted to say and so I can be quick and concise about it.  I could go on and write a novel already, but I won't since I don't have the time and you probably don't either.

This brings up two other issues that I forgot to put on the outline: going faster, and being more organized and to the point.

Anyway, to start at the beginning:

The first days were so exciting.  I was not nervous because I only had myself to please and my only goal was to get as much out of it as I could to push myself along artistically.  Straight away, the people and teachers seemed nice, easy-going, and supportive.  The other students are a mixed bunch- very mixed in age, backgrounds, and ethnicity.  The only uniformity is that (except for one) we are all women.  As usual, there are quiet people, loud mouths, highly competent students who do everything correctly and with ease, and flounderers and flakes.  I would be one of the flounderers.  However, since there are 15 of us that are together in all classes, we have to work together, get to know more than the surface of each other, and hopefully become friends to some extent.  As one of the teachers said, we have to be nice to each other because we don't know who of us will become famous, and we want to be on their good side.

The teachers are all women in their late 30s to mid 50s probably.  They are all artists with eccentric personalities who seem to like teaching, but love doing design and printing more.  Our Colour teacher wants us to have fun and be kind to ourselves.  We will be spending 2 and a half hours monday morning playing with color using gouache paint and our color wheels.  After that, we have her for Fibers, where we will learn about the important features of various fabrics. Some people find this course dull and unnecessary, but it is my idea of fun.

The first day of class she told us how she had a successful business with one of the other teachers, but they were too much alike and when they went to India and Asia on a buying trip, they were having too much fun riding motor scooters and chasing boys, and they stayed too long and spent all their money and gave up the business.  Her advice was to go into business with someone who is different to yourself.  This other woman is our teacher for Design, and for our Printing studio.  She is fun and artsy, and a little bit Rock and Roll.  She doesn't talk a lot but gets very enthusiastic about looking at and producing designs.  We spend SIX hours in the print studio with her every Wednesday and 2 hours with her learning about the elements of design such as value, texture, color, line; and the principles, such as repetition, proportion, harmony and balance.

The other classes are: Drawing - 2.5 hours a week of terrifying, therapy-inducing, ego-challenging pencil and paper calisthenics; Computers - again, all of the above with a mouse and a screen instead of pencil and paper; Designs for Printing where we actually construct and form or images into the final artwork that goes on the screens.

tables for printing 3 meters of fabric

the teacher showing us how to blast the screens

I can't believe I get to spend three solid days a week for a year doing this stuff.  It is scary, sometimes painful, and exhausting.  But, it is also thrilling, endorphin producing, and rewarding.  I have dreamed about doing this for so long that I thought it was just a fantasy or a cop-out excuse for not being satisfied with what I was doing.  I always imagined that if I could get the support, the structure, and the instruction to do and improve my craft, I could really work and produce the kinds of textiles and products that I wanted to, then I would be satisfied and happy.

Now it is actually happening and it does feel really good.  It is a positive, fun, creative thing and it feels like a dream.

That is not to say that it is a piece of cake.  The work load is, as they say, "full on".  The amount of work is compounded by the struggle with old emotional baggage; the voices in my head saying "you are bad at this," "you can't do it," "you can't keep up," etc.  and the other side saying "just do it, "don't give up,"  "do what you like," etc.  There is no way I am giving up, not a chance, but it is exhausting, emotionally, to face these demons.  I have to reprogram my brain to say "Yes, I will make mistakes, but I will learn from them because the goal is not ego judgement, but design production and print work plain and simple."

Part of my hold up is that I am, by nature, a slow moving person.  I am also non-linear (i.e. disorganized).  I don't feel too bad about this because I think there are positive aspects of it.  I like being creative and thoughtful and careful.  However, in order to get as much as possible out of our one year course, and to get us used to the demands of a fast moving industry, we are expected to move fast and absorb and keep track of a multitude of subjects, projects, and tasks.  I am trying to get used to making lists so I can go back to whatever I have missed.  I am working a lot in the evenings to finish what I don't finish in class.  And, really, it wouldn't hurt me to learn to be a little bit faster.

I am also, simply exhausted from so much happiness.  I am not used to being able (in fact, being asked) to focus all day on my own ideas and creativity.  It is a strange feeling.  Lucky me.

just because I always like to show flowers - the lotus blossoms at the botanical gardens

and  I like the lines on this lily

Chinese New Year in the park

and in the QVB shopping center. great lines and shapes for printing inspiration

I cut back my retail job to 2 days, and I have the week-end to do homework and housework, maybe have a little fun going out or to the beach and spend time with my family.  I will also really, really try to write because it is so important to me to chronicle and to share this crazy journey.

I can just see a vague outline of my future self.  It is somewhere in between the linear and the non-linear, the verbal and the non-verbal, the creative and the rational.  It is being formed by what I think, what I do, and what I record.

The Big Story

this is a picture of our backyard. it sums everything up - the garbage from the fire, the wet rain, and the palms burned from the extreme heat.

Sometimes it might seem trite to talk about the weather, but this really is the big story from the last two weeks. I'll talk about it in Fahrenheit since that is what I and most of the readers here will relate to.

It had been hovering around the low 80s for a few weeks which was pretty nice, some clouds and fleeting showers every once in a while. Then it shot up to low 90s, which is pretty rough with high humidity. Then one day, it went up to 112 (some said 115) degrees. It was so hot that it burned the humidity right out of the air. There was a music festival that day and 29 people were rushed to the hospital with heat stroke.  I had to walk 10 minutes from the bus to my job and I am not being dramatic when I say that it felt like walking through a reverse blizzard.  I felt I had to use the same determination to survive.  I walked in the shade the whole way, I walked slowly so as not to increase my body temperature, and I stopped in at the neighbourhood shop and bought something I never do - a bottle of Coke! Boy, was it good!  It was the hottest day in Sydney's recorded history.  After that, we had a week of hot, humid weather of the common variety.  Basic sticky, sweaty days and only slightly cooler nights.

Then, three days ago, I woke up to the sound of rain on the roof. It was a welcome break from the heat, but it hasn't stopped.  The constant rain, not pouring, not drizzle, just rain, is part of a cyclone.  This is a new weather experience for me. It's really not cold so we still have to turn on the AC or leave the doors open and let the mosquitoes in.  There have been flood warnings in outlying areas but we seem to be fine here.

Things seem really quiet with most people staying inside.  It has been good for me to keep steady with the house recovery, last minute sewing and needlework projects, and getting Valerie and myself ready for school.  She started today and I start tomorrow.  I am looking forward to it and I am glad I will be out of the house because the construction workers are coming to put down new floors upstairs.  Hopefully, we will get carpeting shortly after that.

I am off to buy a printer to replace our old one that got ruined in the fire.  Picture me schlepping through the city in the rain lugging a big heavy printer...

Turn the Page

After Christmas I had a week off of work, and I spent it going to the beach, out to eat, wandering around parks and museums, trying to make it feel like a holiday in the city.  We wanted to go on a little jaunt out of town either up or down the coast, but that was a foolish dream.  Everything imaginable within a three hour drive was booked solid, and even if we could have gotten a room, the rates are about tripled for the month when everyone has off and wants them.  So, now we are thinking of taking a long week-end in February, and we made the best of our "staycation." 

Noah went back to California (safe and sound) and the parents are braver and stronger as a result of letting their son go for two weeks.  Well done S and B.  Valerie left the next day to meet up with her best friend in Singapore.  She is staying with her friend and her friend's parents who have a house there.  It is quite an adventure for her and the few times we have skyped, she seems to be having a thrilling, joyful time.

It is quiet around the apartment now.  David spent several days last week cleaning up our stuff, putting furniture back in place, for the big move BACK to our old house.  The repairs are mostly done, and the stink is mostly gone.  We went shopping to replace damaged appliances and bedding, hoping to take advantage of free time and sales, but it was very unsuccessful.  (I can't bear to convey all the shortcomings of the Australian retail world right here and now.  I don't want to sound like a greedy, spoiled American, but I will have to devote a post to it sometime when I get over my shock and dismay). We did manage to get a toaster and kettle, so the essentials are covered.

We are going back there next Saturday whether or not it is finished.  We can't get anymore leniency from the insurance company and we need to try to reestablish a life routine for the beginning of the new school term.  David is back at work, I start my textile design program on the 30th of January (two weeks!), and Valerie is back at school on the 31st.  So, even though it is still hot out, our summer hols are almost over.

Turning towards the new year, and a new page in our Sydney adventure, I have been trying to focus on my artistic ideas and endeavors.  I got really inspired by a little article written by my friend Kitya Palaskas.  It was all about goal setting and getting re-inspired for the new year.  I highly recommend reading it HERE.  Anyway, I went through and wrote out all my goals and to dos, and it really helped get me excited and ready to do my best in the start of this next phase of my life.

I got some new books for Christmas full of ideas and inspirations.  I love all the textures in the crochet and stitching.  This book is called Filet Crochet by Betty Barnden.  I have always wanted to do this kind of crochet but didn't know how.  Since I will be mostly busy doing design and printing over the next year, I think I will adapt some of these images or the idea of crochet images, into a printed design.  But I will do this crochet in the future.

David got me these lovely books.  Both are good additions to my library, and wonderful for inspiration.  I hope to become more knowledgable of the personalities of the Arts and Crafts Textile world, beyond William Morris.  This means I have to do more than just look at the pictures.

I do want to try one new stitching method that I have never done before, so I am going to try smocking.  I have always been intrigued by this and I want to make myself a linen smock a la 1920s, so this is going to be handy.

One of the things I need to do for the upcoming year, as usual, is to organize my time.  I know I will be busier than usual, but I will really try to be faithful to my blog.  I really want to stay in touch, and writing helps me to keep track of my thoughts and activities.

I wrote a poem on the bus the other day on the way to work.  Here it is:

The M20

The stroller
The crazy old man
The couple with the scooter and the fan

Competition for the craziest corner in Sydney

Doesn't her tongue get dry
from her mouth hanging open all the time?

Are they ever going to restore or
tear down the old hospital

Broken windows
Graffiti
Camphor trees

Ring the bell

I'm Dreaming of a Pink Christmas

I think I said before that a Summery Southern Hemisphere Christmas just isn't suited to red and green.  This year I am choosing a pink and yellow theme.  I've got pink roses and white lilies, yellow gift bags, and pink and yellow crackers.  We do have our little fake tree which is green, but most of the decorations are candy colored.

About ten days ago, I finally started to make preparations for Christmas.  We have been so bogged down in house problems that I almost thought we wouldn't have Christmas this year.  Just lately though, I let that go and accepted that we are staying put in our temporary city apartment through early January.

Being in the city has its advantages when it comes to shopping, so I could get a few ideas and pick up a few things almost every time I left the building.  One thing I did miss out on though is an Advent Calendar.  I usually get a chocolate one for the girls to help count the days and get excited for Christmas.  This year, I was late buying one and by December 8th, they were sold out of every store.

Funnily enough, not having it has made it difficult to keep track of how many days we have left.  There was a guy on the corner right near here who was hawking (here they call it sprooking - I'm not sure how to spell it and I don't care because it is a horrible word and a horrible activity).  He would talk into a portable mike and speaker "come on in ladies, only 6 days left till Christmas, we have designer shirts for only $39....." on and on.  So anyway, I knew how many days were left if I went by there when he was in action.  It is hard to sense Christmas coming on without the normal clues: snow, dark afternoons, candles and fires twinkling.

It is more like a party that everyone in the city is having on the same day.  In a way, when you think of it that way, it's kind of fun.  I don't know what every one else does, if they have traditions or not, but I want to have historic consistency so we can look back over the years at the familiar threads. I know that a lot of Aussies do have BBQs and swim in their pools, and I guess they have presents.  Like most things here, on the surface, they seem like a slightly different version of what we are used to in the US.

The things that we always do are: have Bangers and Mash on Christmas Eve,  I make the girls PJs and they open them and wear them.  I make stollen bread on Christmas morning and we have it with eggs and bacon and orange juice (the sausages and the bacon are veggie for the girls and meat for the boys). We visit friends or family in the afternoon but always stay close to home and just chill most of the time with the 4 of us.

decorating the sylvanians for the nativity scene.  Are they 6 and 10 years old?

It was Hannukah first, and we used birthday candles for want of anything better.

Noah and Valerie having fun cleaning up on Christmas Eve.

My camera was stuck on a wrong setting so all the photos look like Instagram.

Christmas dinner in pink and yellow.  

We did most of that this year with a few changes.  For the first time EVER, I am not giving them pyjamas.  I didn't have a machine and really didn't have the planning or forethought to manage any handmade gifts. This is a little bit sad, but we will get through it.  The girls did not get up at 6 a.m., and we won't be going carolling in the snow.  Mostly, the difference is that even though we are together as a family, we are a different family.  We have one teenager and one adult child.  David and I are older too, and we are in different phases of our lives.  Thankfully, we are all happy and healthy.

We have our nephew Noah here from California! and we had a few friends over for lunch and games (yay Apples to Apples).  It rained all day which made it more cozy and a lovely day all together.

This year has been full of changes - some small and some big.  It sounds corny, but it has been about letting go and moving on from some things and trying to hang on to others.  Hanging on to friendships, and family connections, and traditions.

Merry Christmas!  To everyone who doesn't celebrate Christmas, have a relaxing break.  Enjoy the winter or summer.  Peace Out! XO

Monday Meditation

this was taken out the hotel window at noon on the official 3rd day of summer

Today is the first day that I have been able to just sit and relax and not worry about getting something done.  (I can't do any house hunting because we have paid for a month at yet another temporary apartment where we will be moving next Saturday.  We decided to secure something so we won't be homeless or moving at Christmas and New Year ).  I finished my Fabric Design portfolio/application and got it in on time.  I finished my one year basic stitching course at the Embroiderers' Guild and turned in my folder and final projects on time even though I wasn't sure I would be able to with all the crazy house stuff that has been distracting me.

watercolour design for fabric

design for silkscreen t-shirt print

design for screen print fabric - sorry the photo is terrible.  the actual color is  grey-green on white

some of my embroidery work.  the other photos are on my computer at the house.

my pulled thread final project yellow and green on white linen with a teal coloured fabric under layer.

I was proud of myself for getting it done but I don't really feel a sense of accomplishment.  I don't feel happy about it.  Maybe that will come later or maybe not.  There is a little bit of relief but also a feeling of loss that the thing is over and ended in a small way.  Obviously, I will still do needlework, and my fabric printing may actually be just taking off if I get into that program, but the push to complete the tasks and all the nervousness that goes with it, is over.
I realize, looking back over my life, that there have been so many things that I have started and either never fully applied myself to, or just plain quit.  I always thought that it was the anxiety of not doing well enough, of failing, that caused me to hold back.  But I think maybe there is also a fear that success might feel empty and leave me with a "what now" dilemma.  I don't want to sound too dramatic because thinking about this is not devastating in any way.  It just makes me think that I have to work on enjoying the process, and also have a plan for whatever next step I may want to take.

Right now, my next step is to sit by myself and enjoy the quiet, foggy day.  I am going to make myself some tea, listen to the drone of the air conditioning, and stare at the barely visible boats drifting in and out of the harbour.  Then I think I will look for a pattern on Ravelry to make myself a crocheted summer cloche.  I had one when I was about 10 years old made by my amazing Aunt Earline.  It was white with strawberries on it.  It was a very tight single crochet made of cotton yarn.  I loved it and would wear it now if I still had it.  That is what I have in mind for this project.  I got some beige yarn and a little bit of teal to make a stripe or some contrast.  hopefully I will have time over December to make it, then I can still have time to wear it to the beach and whenever it is sunny.

The Long and Unwinding Road

So I guess we are in the stage called "Getting Used to It".  It is still upsetting, but no longer shocking when we look at the disaster that was our former home.  I still worry, but I am not so panicked when I try to imagine where we will be living on Christmas day.  I am still annoyed, but also somewhat charmed by the inner-city lifestyle of thousands of mostly young people buzzing to and fro at all hours. I have gotten used to it.  I have gotten over the part of my psyche that says "no, no, no".  

We have looked at about 13 different houses or apartments and the only two that were equal to what we had before the fire were way above our budget.  In the end, it looks like our only option may be to wait out the reconstruction and live in temporary housing until we can move back in to our old place. There are still so many unknowns about our situation, so many frustrating things that we have no control over, but while we are waiting for it all to become clear, we have to go on with everyday life.  

Spring is well underway, and Summer/Christmas is approaching.  We haven't done a thing to prepare for that.  We need to make plans for holiday (as in vacation) activities, get tickets to shows, schedule get -togethers, etc.  Otherwise, we will be back in school/work next fall saying "how did summer get away from us?"  We can't just sit and mope in our temporary housing.  

Last year we went to see a ballet at the Opera House.  We took a short trip up the coast, we had a big Christmas dinner at home, and we went to the Harbour to see the New Year's Eve fireworks.  This year  we will be hosting my nephew and we are really looking forward to showing him around.  There is a lot to see in Sydney, but I also want to organize a short trip down to Pebbly Beach so he can hug the kangaroos on the beach and have parrots eat out of his hand.  Hopefully it is not too late to get a hotel room down there.

This is going to be the first year that I am not making the girls pajamas for Christmas.  My sewing machine was ruined in the fire and I don't have the space (mentally or physically) to sew anyway.  Everyone is insisting that I make my traditional Stollen christmas bread. Even though I won't have my kitchen and I am not really in the mood, I will probably do it anyway.  I don't think we are going to make a big deal about presents since being homeless makes one not want to accumulate.  But somehow we have to get in the mood and celebrate.

Mira and I went for a walk on Sunday through the city, through Hyde Park, and down through the Botanical Gardens to the water.  It was a warm, balmy day so we stayed in the shade as much as possible and looked at the flowers and birds.  In the city the shop windows had Christmas decorations and music playing.  We have been commenting that Australia needs to have its own Christmas symbols and things that represent a summer holiday.  Snowflakes and pine trees just don't make sense even if they are plastic and glittery.  We did see some bright yellow displays with shorts and summery items that we approved of.

Besides thinking of Christmas, I have finished my TAFE application portfolio and am just about finished with my year long Embroidery Guild course.  It has been difficult to accomplish all that with the upheaval, but it has also been a grounding focus for me.  Drawing and Stitching has been like a meditation forcing me to be calm and to look away from the train wreck of our housing situation.

The other thing that has been happening at this time is Mira and Valerie's end of year.  Mira has moved back "home" for the summer after finishing her first year of university, and Valerie is winding up year 10.  She had tests and camps, and dances to go to and she was adamant about not letting our housing  chaos disrupt or take away from any of that.  In the end, it all worked out and she is almost done.  She had her formal dance last night and I took her to get her nails done, then her friends came over here to get ready.  I still don't like the latest fashion trend of short skirts and super high heels, but I have to say, they are nice, responsible, beautiful girls.  They are really living the life of the city dwellers and they are tougher than me.  

This has been one of the hardest things I have ever had to deal with - partly because it happened so suddenly and through no fault of my own.  It was thrust upon us and we have had so little control over the process.  The process of readjusting has been painful and slow but I am starting to just barely see a way forward.  I don't know if it is good or bad to be able to accept an f-ed up situation, but the reality is I am getting used to it.

My final project for EG

a parrot in some kind of cool tree at the Botanical Gardens

Magnolia trees in bloom

a bird perched just right

loads of lilies everywhere

the wisteria were mostly gone but the shade was nice

some kind of pineapple palm

a mock quince

David Jones window with a fab D&G dress

this was a good Xmas window

this is the one that seemed wrong

strike a pose with those blue nails

giving me attitude 

The girls before - aren't they sweet?

beautiful Valerie