Sleeping Dragon

With all the energy and enthusiasm it took me to move here and get settled, I found this last month, that I didn't have anything left over for creativity, achievement, or even basic striving. I came to Sydney with a big idea to start a new life, to reinvent myself, and to jump into the stream of possibilities and potential. I was at a good point in my life where I felt I had accomplished a lot. I had the confidence that comes with loads of experience, good solid friendships, and clear goals for my future.

The move here went pretty smoothly and I got off to a good start with being active and out-going. I contacted people whose names I had been given, and had a few social outings. I put together a resume and got a job. I figured out the city and went to lots of cultural events. I wanted to foster an image (for myself and for observers) of a confident, creative, capable woman. I do believe that I am that kind of person. I just don't feel it all the time.

For whatever reasons, I have gotten to a point where I just feel empty and completely unmotivated. I can't think of making a plan for the day, let alone inventing my future. It is like I am having a creative blackout. Intellectually, there is a part of my brain that says "get up, go to the beach, go to a museum, research design ideas on the internet, etc." I try to hang on this thread, but it is not the same as a fully centered, creative drive.

Being a moody person, I am familiar with this internal scenario and maybe other people recognize it too. Sometimes I despair when I get into these states. I cry and am hard on myself. I have a hard time believing anything good about myself. At best, I seem to be just wasting time. Lately, though, I am pretty good at stepping back and seeing the bigger picture. Being in a new place with the stress of a major life transition makes it easy to excuse myself and allow for a little regression. I have decided to give myself one year of permission to be less than fabulous - a training or probationary period if you will - where I will not judge myself or my surroundings too harshly.

Anyway, I listened to the superego, grownup part of my brain that told me to do something creative at least once a week, even if I didn't feel inspired, and even if I didn't like the results. I worked on what seemed to be small projects in random categories, and in the end (or at least up till now, not really the end) I have a small pile of things that I am more than mildly pleased with. I made the girls shortie pajamas that turned out quite cute. I made Valerie a black maxi-skirt with a sheered stretch waist band. I crocheted two necklaces for myself, and I made myself a really cute dress inspired by one of my favorite design stores here called Gorman.

I also drew some sketches of dragons. Back in August I went to Art Gallery of New South Wales and saw some cool dragons in the Asian art. I got the idea that I wanted to try to make a screen print of a dragon. I want it to be fierce and magical but cute and minimalist. I am still trying to get a nice energetic curve in the body, but I am pretty pleased with the way they are developing.

As I was drawing I realized that the dragon would be a great motif for some of the stitching projects that I am going to have to do for my Embroidery Guild course that I am starting next month. Then I found out that this coming year in the Chinese calendar is the Year of the Dragon! Quelle coincidence! I found out that the year of the dragon is characterized by courage, energy, enthusiasm, and unpredictability. It sounds like it should be good for me.

There are going to be loads of Chinese New Year activities coming up in about a week. I am excited to see the parades, fireworks, dragon boat races and Chinese art. I will take lots of photos and post about it afterwards.

The photo of the ferret is just too cool not to post. I found it on google images from anfractuousity.

Sorry about the quality on the photos of my dress. They are from a skype shot my sister Sharon took of me. Sorry about the mess in my bedroom too.